Ask Margar-etiquette about Social Media Etiquette

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I saw that there were some social media etiquette issues at the U.S. Open this past week, and it got me thinking about something that has bothered me for a while.

I have been in parks, restaurants, museums, and other public places where people are filming content for their social media pages. I have even realized that I was in the background of someone’s live feed.

I’m not sure I signed up for that.

What is the etiquette around filming for social media when you’re out in public? Just because someone can film in a public place, does that mean the rest of us should automatically become part of their content?

Not Ready for My Close Up

Dear Not Ready,

Welcome to one of our newer etiquette dilemmas: When did simply leaving the house mean we might end up on somebody else’s social media page? You raise an important distinction between what we may have the right to do and what is considerate.

Generally speaking, when you’re out in public, you can’t expect never to appear in the background of someone’s photograph or video. We have all accidentally captured a stranger walking through a vacation picture or sitting at the next table.

Social media content creation, however, has added another layer. There is a difference between taking a picture of your family at a restaurant and setting up your phone, lights, and equipment in a way that turns half the dining room into the backdrop for your content. The etiquette question is not simply, “Am I allowed to do this?” It is also, “How is what I’m doing affecting everyone around me?”

That was part of the conversation at the U.S. Open. The problem wasn’t that people wanted great pictures or videos from the event. The problem came when creating that content began interfering with the experience of the players and the people who came to watch them.

So, for all of us who enjoy capturing and sharing our lives, here are a few manners worth remembering:

1. Pay attention to your surroundings.
Your content shouldn’t become everyone else’s inconvenience. Don’t block walkways, interfere with someone’s view, use distracting lights, or expect everyone around you to stop what they’re doing so you can get the perfect shot. And please don’t ask an entire restaurant to participate in Take 17 of your latest video.

2. Know who is in your shot.
Someone walking through the background of your vacation photo is one thing. Making a stranger clearly identifiable or part of the focus of your content is another. When possible, ask permission before including someone else in what you plan to post.

3. Be especially thoughtful when going live.
Live streaming leaves little opportunity to reconsider what you’ve captured or edit someone out later. Before you hit “Go Live,” take a moment to notice who and what is behind you.

4. Don’t turn someone else’s uncomfortable moment into your content.
Someone trips. A child has a meltdown. A couple argues. A person is upset or embarrassed. Just because you witnessed it doesn’t mean it belongs on your social media page. Not everything we see needs to become content.

5. Respect the rules of the space you’re in.
Restaurants, museums, theaters, sporting events, businesses, and other venues may have their own rules about photography and filming. Just because a place is open to the public doesn’t mean it’s your personal studio.

6. If you’re the one being filmed, it’s okay to speak up.
If you unexpectedly find yourself in someone’s camera frame, you can politely say, “Excuse me, I’m not comfortable being in your video. Would you mind keeping me out of the shot?” They may not always be required to comply, depending on the circumstances, but respectfully asking isn’t rude.

Social media isn’t going anywhere, and I don’t think it needs to. It’s fun to share our lives, our experiences, and even our Honey Deuces at the U.S. Open. We just need to remember that the people around us are living their lives, too. Your desire to capture your moment shouldn’t require someone else to surrender theirs.

With love and good manners,

Margar-etiquette