Every now and then all through life stuff occurs for which there isn’t any identify. In order inventive people we discover it essential to make up a designation for a brand new illness or sickness which medical science has not but nor in all probability will ever acknowledge.
Thus I current to you a brand new illness I contracted just lately and from which I nonetheless undergo. Readers, could I introduce you to Latke Trauma?
No, I haven’t fully gone off the rails. Okay so I do teeter on the sting at instances I admit, however this one is definitely fairly logical. I’m fairly sure the identical factor has occurred to you as properly. Solely now we’ve a reputation for it as a substitute of “Boy, that Christmas ham was so powerful it turned me off ham for a yr.” Might I current “Ham Trauma?” Or, “boy that terrible tasting egg roll precipitated me to lose my urge for food for Chinese language meals.” I provide you with “Egg Roll Trauma.”
Sorry, I by no means met a pizza I didn’t like so I assume that meals could be exempt from such trauma. However latkes, sadly, usually are not.
At Chanukah meals it has lengthy been the customized to permit the mighty latke to take both the lead, or a vital supporting position in a solid of yummy eats through the vacation.
Latkes, so rooted in custom they name up the flavors of childhood even into previous age. When one’s tooth are on their final legs they’re nonetheless capable of gum a latke down. Okay so it would take a bit extra bitter cream, or applesauce, however it’s properly definitely worth the effort.
So now that I’ve established how I really feel about latkes you’ll higher perceive my sickness.
Chanukah has simply handed and I, as so many others, seemed ahead to chowing down on some crispy, completely fried latkes smothered in bitter cream and or applesauce.
As everyone knows they all the time style higher at another person’s home while you don’t need to fry them your self and have the lingering scent of oil round for weeks.
So I used to be thrilled to be invited to a Chanukah occasion at a pal’s dwelling and anticipating my first Chanukah latke of the yr.
The gang was giant and platters of meals coated the in depth desk. However I used to be transfixed on just one factor. My eyes scanned the desk for the golden discs with the proper edges.
After which I noticed them. Small sure, a bit oddly formed, however uniform, with a big mound of applesauce in the midst of the platter.
I positioned two on my plate and helped myself to the applesauce. Then I seemed for the bitter cream.
No bitter cream. Refusing to panic I walked across the desk pondering it should be some other place. No bitter cream wherever.
I seemed within the kitchen on the island stuffed with meals and condiments, however none in sight.
My pal walked into the room and I requested her if she had bitter cream to go along with the latkes.
She wasn’t positive however checked the storage fridge and arrived again within the kitchen with a brand new container. Who serves Latkes with out bitter cream? I do know however what can I say? She’s skinny.
So I plopped a portion on my plate and got down to take pleasure in my first latke of 2024.
I positioned my fork on the facet of the latke and commenced urgent to launch it from the entire. No motion. I attempted once more, however the latke was unwilling to half with any measurement piece in any respect. Maybe a knife I assumed.
I took a steak knife from the caddy and commenced sawing my approach via the potato laden disc that had now taken on a rubbery consistency. I struggled to attain a chunk and when it lastly got here free I dipped it into the applesauce and bitter cream with nice anticipation.
Now I don’t learn about you, however at this age my tooth have price fairly a bit of cash to maintain in my mouth. Due to this fact, I’m fairly protecting over every little molar and cuspid nonetheless hanging in there with me.
I bit down and the latke fought again.
Surprisingly it had a texture I wrestle to seek out phrases to explain.
Okay, I’ll attempt…a gummy bear married a potato and so they had a child and it sat out within the dry air for a month.
It was painful. Oh, not only for my tooth, for my psyche.
It grew to become immediately obvious I’d be having no latkes. Quell disappointment!
However don’t cry for me Argentina, I drown my sorrows in jelly donuts, however I digress.
Now, regardless of the actual fact I’ve all of the components in my dwelling inside attain to create a beneficiant provide of latkes, I’ve misplaced my style for them. The reminiscence of the hockey pucks disguised as latkes haunts me and has eliminated my yearning for them in each approach.
So though my waistline is joyful about this new growth, I can inform you my fats cells haven’t stopped bitching. Properly they really did once I began stuffing the jelly donuts into my mouth.
So though I’ll by no means have a vaccine named after me like Jonas Salk, I’ve managed to call a illness that afflicts us all at instances.
“Favourite Meals Trauma.” The one treatment is the passage of time and for me not less than, a jelly donut will all the time handle the ache.
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Revealed
