Learn, Burn, Return: 4 Ways to Battle Performance Anxiety, According to a Confidence Coach

In 2012, psychologist Cindra Kamphoff was running a marathon. Then at Mile 22, her self-doubt started to kick in. She remembers telling herself, “This is dumb. Why am I doing this?”

But Kamphoff, who works with top athletes on how to overcome performance anxiety — including from the Minnesota Vikings and USA Track & Field — was prepared. She had written positive phrases on her arm that she could read when she needed a boost during the race: “I’m strong, I’m fast, I’m fit, I’m ready.”

This is just one of many techniques that Kamphoff shares in The Confidence Habit: 7 Core Practices to Transform Self-Doubt to Self-Belief, published in September. The book offers creative ways to manage fear and negativity — like pretend-flushing your mistakes down the toilet — before, during and after a high-stakes task.

These tools can be applied to any situation, whether it’s a race, work presentation or a job interview. The goal is for people to “be their best in the moments that matter most to them,” she says.

Kamphoff, who has a PhD in sport and performance psychology, shares four tools you can try today.

Move on quickly with “learn, burn, return”  

Maybe you fumble the ball in a big game or forget the lines in your school play and can’t stop thinking about it afterward.

If you make a mistake during a high-stakes moment, Kamphoff says it’s important to move on quickly.

She suggests a tool she calls “learn, burn, return” to build back your confidence and keep your goals in reach. Try this if you fumble mid-performance, or as a way to reflect after the event.

Learn: Ask yourself, what did you learn? Use this prompt: Next time, I will _____.

Burn: Think of a motion or a cue you can use to remind yourself to move on quickly. Kamphoff says you can snap your fingers, say “that fast” or “you might literally pretend to flush a toilet.”

She taught the toilet flush move to former Minnesota Vikings player Adam Thielen, who used it after he fumbled during a playoff game in 2020. He then went on to catch a 43-yard pass over his head that helped the Vikings win the game.

Using the same motion or phrase every time you “burn” helps your brain strengthen new neural pathways when it comes to moving through anxiety, she says.

Return: Now it’s time to build yourself back up. Remind yourself, “you got this, you’re doing the best that you can,” says Kamphoff.

Speak to yourself powerfully 

How you talk to yourself matters, Kamphoff says. According to the American Psychological Association, self-affirmations, even in small doses, can have lasting effects on our self-esteem.

When Kamphoff wrote positive messages on her arm to motivate her during her marathon, they worked because she was giving her brain evidence that she could be successful.

As Kamphoff repeated these phrases during her race, her pace picked up. She ended up not only winning the race in her division, but running her last four miles the fastest out of any part of the marathon.

To make what Kamphoff calls a “power phrase,” choose a statement that starts with I will, I can or I am. Then ask yourself, How am I at my best? What does that look like? What does that feel like?”

Kamphoff chose phrases that reminded her of her love for running — and that she had trained for hundreds of miles to run the race.

Set gold, silver and bronze goals 

Instead of focusing on one perfect outcome, set a range of goals for yourself. Kamphoff recommends creating a “gold, silver and bronze goal,” she says.

Let’s say you’re running the mile in track. Your bronze goal might be running a time you’re generally happy with, your silver goal might be to run a personal best, and your gold goal might be to win the race.

This can help decrease anxiety and increase confidence by removing the pressure of one ideal performance and shifting focus to the present moment. Especially because “an outcome is something you can’t control,” she says.

Fact-check your self-doubt 

If you’re feeling overcome with negative thoughts right before a job interview or a big test, ask yourself three questions:

• Is that thought true? 
• Is that thought serving you? 
• What would be a more empowering statement? 

This method is similar to other frameworks, like acceptance commitment therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. It can pause negative thoughts and help you get back to the present moment.

For example, if you walk into a job interview thinking, “If I don’t ace this, I’ll never get another job,” this exercise can challenge that thought. And it can help you find a more positive, grounded alternative: “Even if I don’t get this job, I know I’m capable of success and that there are better opportunities for me.”

Remember, she says. Confidence is a choice you get to make.

“You get to decide in the moment, are you going to be confident?” she says. “Many times the action of confidence comes before the feeling, and it’s a skill.”

More anxiety-busting strategies from Life kit

Feeling anxious? Try smiling or doing a good deed to snap out of it. Feeling overwhelmed, panicked or anxious? Clinical psychologist Jenny Taitz offers simple techniques to improve your mood and calm your body and mind in minutes.

So distressed you can’t think straight? Lower the intensity with these 4 skills. A clinical psychologist shares effective strategies to quickly de-escalate stress and anxiety. That includes dunking your head into a bowl of ice water to trigger your mammalian dive reflex.

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This digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is CJ Riculan.

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