Coldplay kiss-cam scandal: Merch, memes memorialize mistake

Sometimes you just want a moment back. Just one tiny moment. For example, the moment that a kiss-cam busted you and your head of HR for cheating at a Coldplay concert on Wednesday night.

Andy Byron, chief executive of data-infrastructure company Astronomer Inc., was caught on camera holding human resources chief Kristin Cabot — a woman who is not his wife — tenderly in his arms.

The moment was an instant classic for those attending the concert: “Ohhh, look at these two,” singer Chris Martin said as the cam spotlighted the couple, prompting Byron to suddenly, awkwardly duck out of camera range while Cabot turned her back, covered her face and ultimately fled.

“Wait, what? Either they’re having an affair,” Martin said, “or they’re just very shy.”

Or maybe, just maybe, they were actually really stupid to react that way? No cheating experts here, but if they had simply smiled and continued their loving embrace, the details of their entanglement might have stayed unknown to the 65,000 or so folks packed into Gillette Stadium, home of the NFL’s New England Patriots.

All they had to do was nothing.

But ooh, they did something.

So much for conscious uncoupling. Nice move, Martin.

But the singer wasn’t really to blame for this week’s hottest story. What happened in Foxborough, Mass., could have stayed in Foxborough, Mass., were it not for one Grace Springer. Springer is reportedly the 28-year-old who posted the clip on TikTok. She told the U.K. Sun she made the video public because she thought the couple’s “something” was “an interesting reaction.”

“A part of me feels bad for turning these people’s lives upside down, but, play stupid games … win stupid prizes,” Springer said before adding that she hoped their partners could “heal” and get a second chance at happiness.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Ouch.

The internet, of course, has been quite happy to mete out those stupid prizes left and right.

There’s now merch to commemorate the moment, including one tee on Etsy that simply reads, “Not Shy. Just Married. #Coldplaygate.”

Another seller is offering a sweatshirt that screams in all-caps, “I TOOK MY SIDEPIECE TO THE COLDPLAY CONCERT AND IT RUINED MY LIFE.” One T-shirt dips its toes into political waters, urging people to MAPA: “Make Affairs Private Again!” The tee with an actual photo of the couple is unlikely to last long, what with copyright and all, but the animated version might hang around a bit longer.

Alas, there are no koozies for sale. Not yet.

Then there are the memes. One shows the couple with the hitchhiking ghosts from the famous finish of Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. Another shows Miss Piggy in the arms of a tall Fozzie Bear, with a sign in one corner saying “Coldplay’s Caught-in-the-Act Cam.” On X, Elon Musk chuckled at an image of the couple reimagined in the style of Edvard Munch’s “The Scream.” Then there was the classic MasterCard meme: “Priceless.”

“Coldplay hasn’t made a single in years,” one wit said on X, posting a still from the video. “Last night, they made two.”

“This is outdated,” another account said, commenting on a ChatGPT blurb about a Taylor Swift ticket allegedly selling for $200,000 on the secondary market. “Coldplay now holds the record for most expensive concert ticket ever sold.”

“Uh, it’s time to ‘Kiss It Goodbye,’ ” ESPN’s Randy Scott said as he and “SportsCenter” co-anchor Gary Striewski reenacted the viral moment live Friday morning. “Baseball’s probably not the only thing you could say that about recently.”

And if Andy Byron appeared to be having some really bad days, what about other dudes named Andy Byron? “NOT THE GUY FROM THE COLDPLAY GIG” reads the Threads bio of one such Andy, who apparently hails from Dublin. “The only one having a worse day than Andy Byron is all the other Andy Byrons,” one user snarked.

However, an apology statement attributed to the Astronomer CEO turned out to be fake, according to the company itself.

The real Astronomer Inc. announced Friday that it is looking into the matter and that Alyssa Stoddard, whoever that poor thing is, is not in the video. Um, we were concerned? Turns out Stoddard is the company’s VP of HR, a step or so down from Cabot, and probably doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in this context at all.

“Our leaders are expected to set the standard in both conduct and accountability,” the company said in a post on LinkedIn. “The Board of Directors has initiated a formal investigation into this matter and we will have additional details to share very shortly.”

Additional. Details. Very. Shortly.

Soooooo — the fun won’t be ending any time soon.

Meanwhile, the real Andy Byron’s real wife, Megan Kerrigan Byron, nuked the “Byron” from her name on Facebook and then deactivated her account entirely amid an onslaught of comments from the public, according to Newsweek.

Looks like she’s choosing to do something instead of nothing, too.