Ask Margar-etiquette about Tipping for Full Service

Dear Margar-etiquette,

My daughter works as a server at a local sit-down restaurant. Like many servers, she’s paid a very low hourly wage by her employer because tips are expected to make up a significant portion of her income. She works hard to provide good service, yet she’s surprised by how many guests leave little or no tip at all. She even overheard one customer say, “Servers are so overpaid these days,” before leaving nothing.

She also says groups of teenagers will often occupy a table for an hour or more, enjoy multiple complimentary drink refills, and leave little or no tip.

With so much confusion surrounding tipping these days, what is the current etiquette for tipping at restaurants?

Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

There is no doubt that tipping has become confusing. It seems we’re asked to leave a gratuity everywhere we go, at coffee shops, food trucks, retail counters, self-checkout kiosks, and sometimes even before we’ve received the service. It’s understandable that many people are experiencing what some call tip fatigue. 

But here’s where it’s important to make a distinction. A full-service restaurant is different. When you choose to dine at a restaurant where someone greets you, seats you, explains the menu, answers questions, takes your order, coordinates with the kitchen, refills your drinks, checks on your table, clears dishes, and processes your payment, you’re choosing a dining experience that includes personal service. And that service has traditionally been compensated through gratuities.

Unlike many other businesses where tipping has become optional or newly introduced, restaurant servers are typically paid a much lower hourly wage because tips are expected to make up a significant portion of their earnings. While employers are required to ensure servers ultimately earn at least the applicable minimum wage, the restaurant industry has long relied on gratuities as part of a server’s compensation.

For that reason, if you’ve received attentive and appropriate service, leaving a tip isn’t optional from an etiquette standpoint. It’s part of paying for the experience you’ve chosen.

As a general guideline:

• 20% is considered the standard gratuity for good service.
• More than 20% is a thoughtful way to recognize exceptional service.
• If service falls short, it’s usually more productive to speak with the manager than to leave no tip at all, especially if the problem was related to the kitchen, a long wait, or something outside the server’s control.

Your daughter’s comments about teenagers also present a wonderful teaching opportunity. Unless they have worked in a restaurant, many young people simply haven’t been taught how tipping works or why it matters. Besides leading by example, parents can also help by teaching that when you choose a full-service restaurant, the gratuity isn’t an afterthought. It is part of the expected cost of dining out. If the budget doesn’t allow for both the meal and the tip, it may be wiser to choose a restaurant where tipping isn’t customary or to order takeout instead.

Perhaps the bigger lesson is this: a gratuity isn’t simply extra money left on the table. In a full-service restaurant, it’s part of the social agreement between guest and server. When we accept the service, we also accept the responsibility that comes with it.

Part of good etiquette is recognizing that service has value. A thoughtful tip isn’t simply about money; it’s an expression of appreciation for someone’s time, effort, and hospitality. It quietly says, “Thank you for taking care of us.” I hope that’s a tradition we never lose. 

Where manners meet real life,

Margar-etiquette