How Gender Norms Shape Our Perception of ADHD in Children

They smiled. Clearly, Emma had a system in place that was helping her achieve in all the right areas. She was having a great start to the year.

Our parent–teacher evening was just before the first half term, but there was much to say about Emma. She was a kid who would be going places, especially if she kept up this kind of dedication and commitment to her studies. I really couldn’t think of a single thing … except … maybe … she was a bit quiet in class. She seemed incredibly shy about speaking up and could be a bit anxious about feedback that wasn’t absolutely positive. I wondered if they had any ideas as to why Emma reacted like this. Her work was always meticulously done, so she really had nothing to worry about with her academic achievement. Any feedback was minor and, besides, no one was perfect, after all. But Emma could often look deflated, taking any corrections to heart.

“Well …” Emma’s carers looked at each other for a second. “She can be a bit quiet, that’s true … But at home, she’s so chatty! She’s very creative and loves to write. We have noticed that she doesn’t like being corrected …”

They took a pause before continuing. “She can be sensitive at times, but we’re not worried. Girls are like that sometimes.”

I nodded and shrugged it off. These weren’t problems by any means, just little things I’d noticed so far in my short time with her. Perhaps Emma needed some time to get used to the pace of the class or just get used to me being her teacher. After all, I was one of the few Black teachers working on staff. Teachers aren’t the only ones that come to school with beliefs and expectations that influence the ways they act and interpret the actions of others; students do too. It wouldn’t be strange to assume that Emma needed a bit more time to feel comfortable with me. I might have been the first Black teacher she had.

Meet Emma:

• 9 years old
• European ancestry, white, blonde hair
• Identifies as a girl
• Fluent in the language of instruction
• Shy, kind, sensitive
• loves: writing stories, reading, social studies, music
• Detests: speaking in front of the class
• Future aspirations: author
• Best known for: high academic achievement, impeccable classroom behavior
• Learning challenges: none currently known
• Additional information: meticulous in completing tasks

I would never have considered Emma to be anything like the next kid on my parent–teacher meeting list.

Henry wasn’t the type to cause problems in class. He was a very likeable student who usually got his work done on time too. But when he’d finally get around to starting, he’d manage to complete the bare minimum required and rarely anything more. Henry participated in class discussions when he had an interest in our topic. There was no way he’d volunteer an answer or a thought without being sure of its correctness though. You would see Henry speak more often in smaller groups and share his work with a partner, speaking if he had to. Occasionally he’d take a little longer to express his understanding than expected. Sometimes he couldn’t quite organize his ideas on what he wanted to say, which would make for some very confusing shares at times, but I wasn’t clear on whether he recognized this in himself.

Henry’s parents grimaced as they voiced their concerns.

“Henry has so much potential,” they exclaimed, “if only he’d just stop getting lost in the details and get the thing done!” I smiled and nodded knowingly. That sounded a lot like the Henry I’d met only a couple of months earlier. He would just lose track of the bigger picture and get stuck in one area of the work that appealed to him rather than just getting things done.

“We know he’s capable of doing great things,” they continued. “He’s so creative and such a brilliant problem solver. He just needs to show this side of himself more often!”

The conversation went on as they shared their concerns about Henry having times when he’d be lost in thought. I knew what they were talking about. I’d frequently catch him drifting off into space in the middle of class instruction. He’d always answer me when I called him and he rarely interrupted others, but many times you got the sense that he lucked out in finding the appropriate response.

Henry’s parents lamented that he needed frequent reminders to get his homework started for fear he’d just stare at the wall and lose track of time. He was often resistant about completing homework, but without reminders, it was debatable if it would get done at all. He just wasn’t motivated enough. They shared that they understood that boys weren’t concerned with neatness in their work as much as girls were and they could accept that. But the problem came with what they saw as his inconsistent efforts towards doing his best work. They believed that Henry just needed to “buckle down a little more and try harder.” After all, “he could do so much more if he just put his mind to it.” Initially, I was inclined to agree. Henry definitely had the intelligence and skills to be a more successful student. Sometimes there just seemed to be a disconnect between what he appeared capable of and what he actually produced.

Meet Henry:

• 9 years old,
• White, European ancestry, brown hair
• Identifies as a boy
• Fluent in the language of instruction
• Quiet, insightful, creative
• Loves: reading, maths, art
• Detests: writing stories
• Future aspirations: architect or engineer
• Best known for: good academic achievement and classroom behavior
• Learning challenges: none currently known
• Additional information: can appear “unmotivated”

Henry showed more of a sporadic effort with his studies, which resulted in inconsistent good outcomes with the occasionally amazing ones. Emma routinely went above and beyond to do her best, but Henry acted as if his efforts were determined by whether he felt like doing the work or not. In reality, it was the furthest thing from the truth. Both Emma and Henry were dealing with many of the same learning challenges, but they manifested slightly differently. Their genders played a significant factor in how their behaviors were interpreted, determining what was expected of them and the kind of support, if any, that was suggested. Labels influenced by behavior expectations of the gender binary can quickly turn ADHD presentations into descriptors of a child’s personality. This creates the ongoing diagnosis problems where many children with ADHD aren’t recognized because they’re assumed to be acting out of or acting in character with their gender assigned at birth and are therefore blamed and/or shamed for their difficulties in school because of it.