Caregivers, Be Good to Yourself

There’s a quiet crisis unfolding in Black households. It doesn’t always make headlines, but it’s happening every day. Black caregivers are showing up for their loved ones while slowly disappearing from their own lives. The truth is, self care isn’t optional, it’s urgent for the caregivers in our communities.

The Cost of Caregiving

The caregivers in our communities are managing medications, coordinating appointments, cooking, cleaning, and offering emotional support. They’re doing all this while working jobs, raising children, and navigating a healthcare system that often fails them. And they’re doing it with little rest, little recognition, and almost no room to breathe.

In 2025, more than 63 million Americans are family caregivers, according to a report by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving. But Black caregivers are carrying more than their share of the weight. As stated by The Senior Alliance, Black caregivers spend about 1.3 more years in caregiving roles than the national average and devote over nine extra hours per week to caregiving tasks. The percentage of Black women in caregiving roles is 6% higher than the national average.

And while Black caregivers are just as likely as others to be caring for a relative, those relatives are 25% less likely to be their parents. That matters. It shows how caregiving in our communities isn’t only about caring for mom or dad, it’s about stepping in for siblings, cousins, aunties, or elders who aren’t blood but are still family. Being there for others, not just those who raised you. It’s who needs you.

The Toll on Body and Mind

Caregiving is often framed as noble, but rarely as depleting. That needs to change.
According to Forbes, caregivers experience significantly higher rates of health problems than non-caregivers. These include elevated blood pressure, heart disease, sleep disorders, and chronic stress-related illnesses. Depression and anxiety rates among caregivers are two to three times higher than in the general population.

And the longer the caregiving continues, the deeper the toll. As reported by AARP, one in five caregivers now rates their own health as “fair” or “poor.” A quarter are taking on debt, and one in five cannot afford basic needs like food.

This is not sustainable. And for Black caregivers, the stakes are even higher.

Black Women Are Holding It Down, At a Cost

Black women are overrepresented in care work, both paid and unpaid. While Black men also show up as caregivers, the burden falls most heavily on the women in our communities.

According to the National Partnership for Women & Families, if their unpaid caregiving hours were compensated, their labor would be worth $80 billion annually.

Unfortunately, that labor is undervalued. Black women are more likely to be the sole caregiver in their household, more likely to care for multiple people, and more likely to do it without paid leave or outside support. They’re also more likely to delay their own care, push through exhaustion, and internalize the idea that rest is something you earn, not something you need.

The result? Higher rates of stress-related illness. More missed doctor’s appointments. More caregivers are getting sick themselves and have fewer opportunities to recover, reset, or even be seen. Caregiving isn’t the enemy. But ignoring its toll is. By identifying its stressors, we make space for caregivers in our communities to be cared for, not just relied on.

What Self-Care Really Means And Why It’s So Hard

Let’s be clear, self-care isn’t only bubble baths and scented candles. It’s not a marketing slogan. It’s the act of preserving your health, your sanity, and your identity in the face of relentless demands.

For Black caregivers, self-care often feels impossible. There can be guilt and pressure involved.

You might find yourself saying:

• “We take care of our own in this family.”
• “If I don’t do it, who will?”
• “I promised I’d always be there.”

These beliefs are rooted in love, but they can lead to burnout, resentment, and serious health consequences. It’s time to challenge them.

Reclaiming Self-Care

Self-care starts with honesty, not just about what you need, but about what’s getting in the way.

Are you skipping meals? Ignoring your own doctor’s appointments? Feeling resentful but afraid to say it out loud? You’re not alone, and you’re not failing. You’re human.

Recognize That You Matter

You’re not just a caregiver. You’re a whole person. Your health, your joy, your rest. They matter. Don’t postpone them for “someday.” Prioritize them now.

Name What You Need

Just like those you care for, your needs shift. Day to day. Moment to moment. Whether it’s sleep, support, a good meal, time, or silence, you’re allowed to name it, claim it, and act on it.

Ask for Help Without Apology

Be specific. Ask a friend to run errands, ask a sibling to take a shift, or ask your community to show up. People often want to help; they need direction. You’re incredible for stepping into the caregiving role, but no one should expect you to be a superhero. Put down the cape and lean on your community.

Protect Your Health

Schedule your appointments. Take your medications. Eat nourishing food. Drink water. Sleep. Your body isn’t a machine built to serve others. It needs care too. And you already know how to care deeply. That wisdom applies to you as well.

Find Joy in Small Moments

You may not be able to hop on a plane and escape your worries, but joy lives in the everyday. Five minutes of quiet. A walk with your thoughts. A playlist that makes you sing every word. Joy isn’t always prescribed, but it is medicine. And you deserve to feel it.

Join a Support Network

Seek out caregiver groups that reflect your experience. As recommended by The Senior Alliance, culturally affirming support networks offer connection, validation, and practical help.

Challenge the Guilt

Guilt in caregiving is rooted in lies. It tells you rest is wrong. That asking for help means you’re failing and that your worth is tied to how much you overextend. Here’s the truth. You are worthy. Even when you’re resting, or when you’re not “doing,” and especially when you’re simply being.

A Message to Black Caregivers

You are the backbone of so many families. The ones who show up when it’s hard, when it’s thankless, and when no one else does. But you are also human. You’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed to need care. And you’re absolutely allowed to put yourself first. Because when you do, everyone benefits.

Self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity that looks different for every individual, and it’s time we treated it that way. You deserve to take up space, not just in caregiving, but in your own life. So today, take one intentional step toward yourself. Trust your voice and honor your needs.

Resources

Caregiving in the US 2025: Key Trends, Strains, and Policy Needs

The Senior Alliance

The Toll Of Caregiver Stress When Caring For Aging Parents

Caregiving in the US 2025 – Research Report

Black Women and the Care Agenda | National Partnership for Women & Families