Aging Gracefully at 40-Years-Old: Solo, Secured and Satisfied

On the winter morning of the day I turned 40, nothing major had changed. The last time I checked, I was still navigating a career transition, and I hadn’t won any lottery or landed a huge sum of funds to support my lifestyle. I was learning to enjoy my own presence as I dealt with the isolation of being a single woman and making disconcerted efforts at working towards my aspirations. In essence, there was no magic, drama or intrigue. Only peace. This is what aging gracefully at 40 looks like.

As I woke up in that mini chalet at the old inn and spa, I felt so aligned and self-aware of the woman I had become. And although everything wasn’t perfect, I realized that I had finally become the person I had wanted to be – a confident and independent female with a solid sense of purpose. Serenaded by my own thoughts, that’s when it hit me. I was truly solo, secured and satisfied with life as it were. Growing up and getting older wasn’t completely a bad thing after all.

It was just before my birthday, when I started having a deep-seated feeling of satisfaction with the current version of myself. At about 30 days to, I went on a journey of reflection, gratitude and being more still so that I could uncover some of life’s lessons to take with me into the future. In between the tension of where I had been and where I currently was versus where I wanted to be, there was so much wisdom to glean.

I’ve realized that looking back or taking stock of the past is important for building future momentum. It also aids the process of aging gracefully at 40. Before one rushes into setting goals or planning for a new age, it’s important to pause for a moment and ask certain questions. What actually worked for me in the last year or decade? What drained my energy, even if it looked good on the outside? What version of myself showed up when things got tough and uncomfortable? What mistakes did I make that I can learn from and improve?

The real value of the past isn’t just in the highlights of great things that happened for you. The clarity and fresh perspectives you gained are also significant. This is where true change really happens. During the process of quieting my mind, I learned so much about overcoming life’s uncertainties and reconnected to what really mattered to me. Equipped with a pen and some paper, I journaled some things to do and think about as I began a brand new decade. I reflected on all these things during that quiet morning in the chalet. If you’re 30 years or over, you might find them useful too.

Avoid the vanity goals (or metrics)

In marketing, the term vanity metrics refer to numbers that look good or impressive on the outside but which often mask what lies beneath the surface – often the more crucial details. The same could be said for goals. Most times, when we set big goals, we do so to appeal to our egos because of how impressive it looks to ourselves and others or based on how we want to feel when accomplishing them. In other words, the goals are not realistic because our ability has been overinflated or they do not come from a genuine place within us where we are wanting them for the right reasons.. It is in this scenario that it is easy to get burnt out or frustrated in the goal’s pursuit, rather than feeling transformed or positively impacted. As this year closed in, I decided that living in the moment, embracing life’s simplicity even if that meant boring, and being both happy and healthy in the process was far more important than trying to cross things off my dream bucket list.

Define your non-negotiables

The good thing about defining your non-negotiables is that it is borne out of some type of experience. Hopefully, by now, you’ve what you definitely want out of life. If not, you are probably extremely sure of what you do NOT want. Go after the things in your heart that matter to you. Make sure these things are not fleeting pursuits, but ones that bring a sense of accomplishment and contentment. Set aside what does not. For example, you might decide as a non-negotiable that it’s needful for you to curate a career that feeds your soul and creativity even if it pays less rather than one which pays so well but drains you of all energy. At the end of the day, life’s too short to focus on things that do not bring you joy. Now is a good time to also pay attention to cultivating lush moments and experiences over acquiring material things. It’s okay to want what you want – just remember to define what’s negotiable and what is not according to parameters that are yours to decide.

Guard your attention fiercely

Your time is precious and not everyone deserves your attention. Manage your time in an elegant manner. Learn to quickly recognize people who do not respect your boundaries or what you represent and bless them with both your silence and/or absence. This also goes beyond people to include energy-draining activities like doomscrolling on social media. Swap screentime for in-person time. If no one else is close, you can absolutely spend more time solo with yourself and enjoy your own company.

Ignore life’s many dysfunctions

As I mentioned earlier, not everything in life is perfect. Everyone experiences dysfunction to varying degrees. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to handle. When it rises to its peak, you can decide to distance yourself from people, things and events that are the source of dysfunction in and out of your life. You owe it to yourself for the sake of our own sanity. If you cannot totally get away from it, try to set some boundaries that protect your peace. Remember, while you cannot control what is happening around you, you can control how you react to it, thus limiting the effects.

Train your brain to consume what’s right

The popular saying goes, “garbage in, garbage out” and this rings true for the mind, especially as you age. You become whatever you consume and this eventually shapes your reality. Your mind and thoughts often mirror what it consumes. It is important to train the brain by feeding on wholesome, positive content that nourishes your psyche and uplifts your emotions. Listen to inspirational podcasts to learn something new about life, career and business. You can also read a mix of fiction and non-fiction books with a good message. Avoid watching video content that’s violent, derogatory or upsetting in nature.

Set up yourself for financial security

If something happened and you couldn’t work for six months to a year, would you still be able to pay your bills? This is an important question that many people do not have a solution to. You must attempt to think about an answer it while you are still younger than the retirement age. You can absolutely aspire for more in life, but while you are doing that, be anchored in the present and content with what you currently have.

Enjoy your life to the full

Looking back, you may have noticed that you’ve truly come a long way through life. Even if you are not currently where you want to be, you may agree that you’ve survived several setbacks and conquered many obstacles to become the person you are. Be proud of it. Enjoy it. Celebrate your accomplishments.

And so, with a sigh, I interrupted my thoughts and moved from the comfy bed across the cozy carpet interiors to the living room couch where I sat staring through the windows into the great Canadian winterscape. I was encouraged to lean into hope. And I prodded myself to trust for the future.

Trusting for the outcome when the process is unknown can be a very difficult thing to do. And yet, its the only way to truly move forward — by taking little steps and putting one foot in front of the other. You may not know the whole plan or be able to see the entire blueprint for your life but you’ve got to trust that things will work out in your favour, including all of the mishaps too. See the silver lining in every situation and let the glass be half full always. Lean into the hope of your calling. Live to create a lasting legacy that will always be felt. Finally, lead your life with a strong sense of purpose.